Dear Nathan
Cool things that you’ve done
I’m pretty sure you had your first laugh on your 3 month birthday when I kissed and nuzzled your armpit (your dad said it sounded like a cough) But today was the best! Right before I left work, I said your favorite word “ah goo” while you were sitting in dad’s lap and your mouth busted open with a loud “ha!”
You are a champion nurser. I knew it the day you latched on your own when I wasn’t paying attention a couple weeks ago. I wish you didn’t kick your legs so much and twist to see everything. Today you twisted off to see your dad walk out the room. So I prefer it when you are sleepy. Your eyes roll in the back of your head your hand grabs tight to my shirt or onto my finger. I love how you smack your mouth around in anticipation. And god help me if I don’t get you there quick enough. We officially have the hang of this now even though by the time you read this you will think it is gross…
We’ve had you on a nice goodnight routine the past few weeks. First a nice warm bath, towel dry and goodnight kisses, then nursing and then I hand you to dad for him to patiently “walk” you to sleep. Your dad says that it is an act of endurance. Sometimes 10 minutes sometimes 30! The process takes about an hour to an hour and a half. We start the process around 8:30- 9pm. You love bathtime, so far no poops in the tub.
You’ve really found your voice. You yell and squeal and razz and blow spit bubbles. You yell when I’m not paying attention to you and smile when you see my face again. You love the itsy bitsy spider. But spiders scare mommy so I replace it with the Itsy Bitsy Nathan. All I have to do is start with “The” and you smile in anticipation of the rest of the song. I sing to you to get you to stop fussing. You also like it when you “stand” on my lap.
You ‘re obsessed with sucking on your hands and fingers. Sometimes it keeps you awake. You now will hold on to something when I place it to your hand. You like to put things in your mouth, but I really think you are just putting your hand in your mouth as usual and you get a nice surprise with something is in them (like that burp cloth or bib). You can’t go to sleep on your own yet without being rocked or “walked” or nursed down.
Ugh Reflux! It hurts you badly, when you are arch your back and cry and I hear the wet burps. We set you upright for at least 20 minutes after you eat which helps immensely. When stinks because I finally figured out how to nurse you laying down. BOO!
Oh and loud noises are scary now. The dog barked and your lower lip trembled and you started to cry. I swoop you up and you are instantly soothed. Although that one time when there was a knock on the door AND the dog barked, you cried for a good five minutes in my arms. You’ll get used to Charlie, he’s that thing that licks your feet.
I’m getting to know you better. I know when you are tired, or bored. I know when you are hungry or just need to suck. I know when you need to change positions. Although sometimes I’m still not sure. I sit you on my lap and look into your teary eyes and ask you softy “What’s the matter?” You seem to not be sure yourself, so I say, “Well, I’m here to help you get through it. You don’t ever have to cry alone sweet boy”
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
3 Months
My sweet sweet baby is now reaching up at my face when I cradle him. He is all quiet and staring and just so interested in my face.
Here is a pic.
Birth Story Part 1 - Early Labor
Josh co-wrote the brith story. He dictated them to me and I jotted it down. His parts are indicated.
Additionally, fair warning...it's birth!!! Messy and filled with a three letter word called TMI. But don't be a-scared!
Wednesday Morning 6:30am-
Stef: I feel Nathan’s head in my bladder, which I had thought early in that week were contractions and went to the bathroom. When I laid back down, I remember feeling a wave and a cramp. I thought: Hang on! I just peed is this a contraction? Let’s see what happens next. For the next 35 minutes , staring at the clock, I had this reoccurring cramp every 7 minutes. At this point I decided to wake josh. I said, “I think I’m having contractions”
Josh: I thought oh, my god this is it. And I’m not going to work today. I’m going to email my work and tell them I’m not coming in.
7:35am
Stef: I gave our birth doula Jenn a call. I wasn’t close to needing her to come over, but wanted to give her a heads up. I got my MP3 player and started listening to my Birthing Day Affirmations. I was feeling a little apprehensive. The contractions felt like my stomach getting hard and the hardening ending down low into a cramp and tightening a waistband around my lower back and tummy. Josh made me a couple eggs and toast, and I started to time them a bit on contractionmaster.com. They were coming every two to three min apart for like ten minutes. I called my midwife Emily, and she said for us to rest as much as possible. So we went to bed and I listened to my Deepening Track on Hypnobabies which notoriously puts me to sleep every time, this time being no exception. At this point we were anticipating our baby around 7pm Wed.
Josh: The key thing I was thinking about was what everyone was telling us, that you should just rest and that Stefanie should rest as much as possible. And the other thing was that we needed to eat, and protein was necessary, so I made the eggs and toast. So far everything was ideal.
11:00am-2:00pm
Still kinda having a lazy day. Sprinkled with tv, naps and hypnobabies. I’m starting to wonder when the show is going to get on the road. My contractions are about the same as they were all day. I’m also freaked out about the front room being messy. Josh cleans the front room and living room and the kitchen. I come down and feel good about bringing a baby into this clean house. We also put together the hospital bag last minute additions and get Charlie’s dog food packed into his bag. Nathan is still kicking me up a storm. He starts to kick right before a contraction hits. Emily calls us to check in. I ask her if I should go for a walk to get things going. She says that I just should rest because she can see this baby coming at like 3am! She was only off by 14 hours. She instructs me to call her if anything changes. I can’t help but feel she is canceling me out as a false labor girl. So I am determined to get things started. I figure midnight would be better than 3am so we take Charlie for a walk. We get about a half a block before I change my mind a turn back. The contractions aren’t getting any stronger and I’ve heard about women exhausting themselves. We have subway for lunch.
Josh: At this point in my mind we were going to have a baby at 11pm that night. Another thing that our birthing class taught me was that Stefanie would likely want to clean up extensively as we were going into labor and that I should stop her from doing so at all costs. What I should do would be to follow her direction and clean up, much to her delight. As for the walk… It was one of the most beautiful days of the year, sunny high of 60’s, so anytime spent outdoors was welcome.
4:00pm – 9:00pm
We go down for another nap. This was a nice one. Maybe too nice. I wake up and the contractions still aren’t any stronger. They woke me up several times, but mostly I was able to sleep. I get up, and get on the birthing ball and start bouncing. Josh puts on Howl’s Moving Castle. Our doula calls and suggests that we pack it in. We had haiku for dinner. At 9pm we set up a scrabble game in bed. I’m noticing that the contractions are picking up around that time.
Josh: The main thing in my mind was eating and drinking and sleeping as much as possible. I was surprised that things were slowing down. At this point I knew the labor was going longer than expected, but I still thought we’d have a baby at like 4am.
10:00pm – 12:00am
I can no longer concentrate on anything else but the contractions. We put away the game, and I try using some of my hypnobabies techniques. I try using my relaxation cue words: peace and release. I end up chanting/panting those over and over during contractions. We are still trying to “rest” in bed. And this is where officially, the going gets rough. I begin moaning through them, panting. We are timing them. They are coming every 2-3 min lasting a minute long. At this point I really feel like the baby is coming in a matter of hours. But I do remember reading that you don’t push until you are 1min apart between contractions. Most people would have gone to the hospital at this point. But I could barely move or think. I just had to go through these things. I had tunnel vision. I needed the lights to be out. I can’t really remember what josh was up to at this point. I know he was pushing for me to call the doula, but after a full day of nothing happening, I felt like it would be better to let her sleep.
Josh: We def. hit a new phase during our scrabble game in the bed. It’s like what we read about where the contrax aren’t something we can talk through or laugh about. They became intense and had to stop what we were doing when they were happening.
Next up part two - Active Labor
Additionally, fair warning...it's birth!!! Messy and filled with a three letter word called TMI. But don't be a-scared!
Wednesday Morning 6:30am-
Stef: I feel Nathan’s head in my bladder, which I had thought early in that week were contractions and went to the bathroom. When I laid back down, I remember feeling a wave and a cramp. I thought: Hang on! I just peed is this a contraction? Let’s see what happens next. For the next 35 minutes , staring at the clock, I had this reoccurring cramp every 7 minutes. At this point I decided to wake josh. I said, “I think I’m having contractions”
Josh: I thought oh, my god this is it. And I’m not going to work today. I’m going to email my work and tell them I’m not coming in.
7:35am
Stef: I gave our birth doula Jenn a call. I wasn’t close to needing her to come over, but wanted to give her a heads up. I got my MP3 player and started listening to my Birthing Day Affirmations. I was feeling a little apprehensive. The contractions felt like my stomach getting hard and the hardening ending down low into a cramp and tightening a waistband around my lower back and tummy. Josh made me a couple eggs and toast, and I started to time them a bit on contractionmaster.com. They were coming every two to three min apart for like ten minutes. I called my midwife Emily, and she said for us to rest as much as possible. So we went to bed and I listened to my Deepening Track on Hypnobabies which notoriously puts me to sleep every time, this time being no exception. At this point we were anticipating our baby around 7pm Wed.
Josh: The key thing I was thinking about was what everyone was telling us, that you should just rest and that Stefanie should rest as much as possible. And the other thing was that we needed to eat, and protein was necessary, so I made the eggs and toast. So far everything was ideal.
11:00am-2:00pm
Still kinda having a lazy day. Sprinkled with tv, naps and hypnobabies. I’m starting to wonder when the show is going to get on the road. My contractions are about the same as they were all day. I’m also freaked out about the front room being messy. Josh cleans the front room and living room and the kitchen. I come down and feel good about bringing a baby into this clean house. We also put together the hospital bag last minute additions and get Charlie’s dog food packed into his bag. Nathan is still kicking me up a storm. He starts to kick right before a contraction hits. Emily calls us to check in. I ask her if I should go for a walk to get things going. She says that I just should rest because she can see this baby coming at like 3am! She was only off by 14 hours. She instructs me to call her if anything changes. I can’t help but feel she is canceling me out as a false labor girl. So I am determined to get things started. I figure midnight would be better than 3am so we take Charlie for a walk. We get about a half a block before I change my mind a turn back. The contractions aren’t getting any stronger and I’ve heard about women exhausting themselves. We have subway for lunch.
Josh: At this point in my mind we were going to have a baby at 11pm that night. Another thing that our birthing class taught me was that Stefanie would likely want to clean up extensively as we were going into labor and that I should stop her from doing so at all costs. What I should do would be to follow her direction and clean up, much to her delight. As for the walk… It was one of the most beautiful days of the year, sunny high of 60’s, so anytime spent outdoors was welcome.
4:00pm – 9:00pm
We go down for another nap. This was a nice one. Maybe too nice. I wake up and the contractions still aren’t any stronger. They woke me up several times, but mostly I was able to sleep. I get up, and get on the birthing ball and start bouncing. Josh puts on Howl’s Moving Castle. Our doula calls and suggests that we pack it in. We had haiku for dinner. At 9pm we set up a scrabble game in bed. I’m noticing that the contractions are picking up around that time.
Josh: The main thing in my mind was eating and drinking and sleeping as much as possible. I was surprised that things were slowing down. At this point I knew the labor was going longer than expected, but I still thought we’d have a baby at like 4am.
10:00pm – 12:00am
I can no longer concentrate on anything else but the contractions. We put away the game, and I try using some of my hypnobabies techniques. I try using my relaxation cue words: peace and release. I end up chanting/panting those over and over during contractions. We are still trying to “rest” in bed. And this is where officially, the going gets rough. I begin moaning through them, panting. We are timing them. They are coming every 2-3 min lasting a minute long. At this point I really feel like the baby is coming in a matter of hours. But I do remember reading that you don’t push until you are 1min apart between contractions. Most people would have gone to the hospital at this point. But I could barely move or think. I just had to go through these things. I had tunnel vision. I needed the lights to be out. I can’t really remember what josh was up to at this point. I know he was pushing for me to call the doula, but after a full day of nothing happening, I felt like it would be better to let her sleep.
Josh: We def. hit a new phase during our scrabble game in the bed. It’s like what we read about where the contrax aren’t something we can talk through or laugh about. They became intense and had to stop what we were doing when they were happening.
Next up part two - Active Labor
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Nathan's Birth Story - Intro
Here I am posting this birth story to the blog which was written the week after the birth and reading it over it is amazing what I remember and what I don’t. For example, if I had to describe a contraction… it would be hard to say. It’s almost as if the moment of birthing is so in the NOW, that you can’t truly do it justice trying to recall it. It’s like trying to tell someone about a dream. You struggle for the right words to describe it, and in the end you come up short. Still, some things stick out in my mind. I have to say that laboring without medication was the most beautiful and spiritual experience of my life. Feeling my body contract my uterus and open me up for birthing is such a rare and special feeling. I had never had such a connection with myself as a woman, as a mother, as a wife. I had never been more in touch with my instincts as a female mammal. While at times it was extremely intense, there was nothing foreign about the feeling. It was obvious that my body was made to do this, and when I let go of the doubt and fear, I found that I could just breathe through them and didn’t see the need for any intervention. But I didn’t do it alone. I shared this time with Josh, who was so supportive and had such a loving presence who believed in my ability to do this without question. He never left my side for a single minute of those 36 hours.
It wasn’t until I was in the post partum room with the lights low and no one in the room but me and josh and Nathan that I could finally drink in this new little person. I’m so excited to do it again.
The story is long so I will post in it parts.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
2 months + 1week
Nathan's blue eyes are starting to change colors. In the direct sun, they are still slate blue. But in other lights they are khaki green, grey brown, all sorts of varieties of grey, blue, brown and green.
He discovered his hand a couple weeks ago. They are always in his mouth, yet he has trouble keeping it there so he is always frantically rooting at a fist. This has added a challenge as I am not sure if he is hungry or frustrated and just wants to suck.
He makes spit bubbles, yells "ah-goo!" He makes girlish screams too. I love the first smile in the morning. He's all "oh there you are, I thought I dreamt you up!"
He moved into the size 2 pamper's diapers. He could still squeeze into a size one, but they ran out and the 2's fit him fine.
He still hates the sling I bought for him. He honestly thinks I want to kill him.
Lately he has been pretty good at figuring out what is to be expected, and when it doesn't come he cries a bit. Like when he wakes up, he will make noises, and fuss a bit, and suddenly he's awake and wants to know why he isn't eating right this minute, so he will do this squeally type whine which if we don't move fast enough will become a cry. I like these cries, I know what he wants and can shut him up instantly.
He's still fussy at night, I hate that off and on whine. There are times where I sincerely wish he was a dog so I could just lock him in his crate. Often he is worse right before he passes out. It's like he decided "okay I'm done" (snore)
I got the back brace, and I can carry him for more than two minutes.
Every song can be converted to a lullaby. "Single Ladies" is now "Single Babies"
Monday, June 7, 2010
Ew? Nah!
Nathan gets eye boogers, regular boogers, spit bubbles, explosive poops, stinky pee diapers, goopy spit up....
But I am not slightly disgusted. I love to wash his face in the morning. I use the back of my hand to wipe his mouth. I sing when I change his diapers. I say "well look at THAT!" when he spits up big time. To me, his rhythmic farts sound like popcorn in the microwave.
Baby Nathan, you will never ruin my appetite. Thanks for not making me nauseous (anymore)
But I am not slightly disgusted. I love to wash his face in the morning. I use the back of my hand to wipe his mouth. I sing when I change his diapers. I say "well look at THAT!" when he spits up big time. To me, his rhythmic farts sound like popcorn in the microwave.
Baby Nathan, you will never ruin my appetite. Thanks for not making me nauseous (anymore)
Friday, June 4, 2010
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