Going...
Going.....
Gone!!
Friday, September 24, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
4 months to 4 1/2 months
4 months
I can't remember the first day he reached from something. But now he does. He doesn't laugh too often, but it will be out of the blue. Like a weird face and sound I make will get him to make the open mouth "huh, huh". or just one HUH. The kisses on the sides of his stomach get the giggles. They still sound kinda throaty. Just a couple weeks ago he started batting at the cup that I use pour water on him during bathtime. NOw he grabs it, and I almost accidentally water boarded him yesterday. He had some sleepless nights. And some trouble going down, but the past two nights he slept through from like 10 to 7:45. It was nice! Today we took our first morning walk. He really loves being outdoors, just looking around.
Update
Nathan is over halfway through his fourth month. I can't believe how big he is getting.
He is a chubby giggly baby. Honestly, he is his father's son. Loves being outside. He could be fussy and crying in the living room and if you just step outside he gets quiet immediately. I find myself constantly out and about with him. Plus a fussy baby in Target is a lot more interesting then a fussy one in the nursery. We are trying to get into routine now that I am not working. Ideally it would look like this:
Wake at 7:30am
Nurse, diaper change, play on my lap/read story (i.e I don't fee like getting up out of the chair)
8:00am I put him in the sling and walk with him cleaning up and making breakfast
8:30 - 9 I check email and poke around on the internet while I eat. As soon as he starts to fuss in his bouncy seat..he goes back into the sling and we take charlie for a walk..
9:30 -Come home change diaper, nurse and try and get him down for a nap. This can take 20 min or an hour.
After supposed nap its about 11:20, we play while I get ready for our outing.
12:30 - 2:00 I try to be out the house. Running errands like the grocery story, post office, target. Sometimes we will walk the mall. I try my best not to buy anything.
2:30 - home for nursing, change diaper. Try for afternoon nap. If he doesn't go down by 3:30 he is a fuss monsters so I say, let's get out of here, and we go to the library and get home around 4.
Nurse and play and wait for josh to get home.
Some days he will cry all day long and will fight the sling, will fight the naps, will fight the boob, refuses to be put down. Some days he will have two or three 30min cat naps so there really isn't a break since half of that nap was while nursing. Some days he will be a perfect ball of smiles and sunshine. Occasionally he will have two 2 hour naps. Some days I think that if this was a job I would put in my 2 weeks notice. Other days we stick to the schedule, or will have lunch with a friend and I still have stuff I want to do with him before josh gets home. But most days I chuck him at his father the moment he enters the room.
Birth Story part 4 - Nathan arrives
I swear I didn't intend for this story to be dragged out over months. You can click the tag "birth story" at the bottom of this post to see them all together. This last one I left out a few minor (graphic) details. If you want the unedited version let me know. Oh, and yeah, there are no more suitable pictures of me from this point forward.
(water just broke 40 minutes ago)
4:35pm (25 minutes before birth)
Another vivid memory. I have my hands and arms clasped around josh’s neck during a contraction when all of a sudden I bear down a little with it. I shout “I’m pushing!!” Our midwife checks me and I am complete at 10cm with a small prosterior “lip” of cervix which she holds back during some pushing. I’m excited, optimistic and happy until suddenly things go very wrong. During that contraction baby’s heart tones drop and the midwife suggests that I get on my hands and knees. Suddenly an oxygen mask is put in front of my face. Them midwife tells me she’s going to put in an internal monitor because she is having trouble finding baby’s heartbeat. I’m facing the wall with my knees on the bed and my arms draped over the back of the bed. I can only hear what is happening.
Midwife “Call doctor Isabell” I can’t believe that it’s gotten to this point, I hate this doctor
Midwife “Stefanie, let’s try to get this baby out before he gets here ” So starts the purple pushing. “Take a deep breath hold and PUSH PUSH PUSH, another deep breath and PUUUUSH!”
Midwife “Get the doctor on call” A stranger enters the room and immediately puts his hand inside me without saying anything. He says “He’s prosterior” Me: I knew it!! I feel the distinct sensation of baby’s head being turned.
Nurse: "Do you want her to turn on her back?” Midwife: “Do you want her to turn over?”Doctor: “No, this is the optimal position to give birth”
I peak behind me and see that the people in the room have doubled, josh and our doula have their faces inches from mine encouraging me.
Doula: “Stefanie it’s time to get this baby out. Give it everything have” So I push as hard as I can. Things have spiraled out of control.
Midwife: “He’s crowning” Someone: “He’s got hair” I feel the ring of fire and I welcome the pain, because it means he’s coming. I need to get my baby out now. I let out a loud harsh throaty scream and decide to try my best to tear, because I can’t hold back. The pain is nothing. If something goes wrong I don’t want to say I was too scared to push through the pain as hard as I could. I’m giving my baby EVERYTHING I have.
Midwife: “The head’s out” OMG I did it! I know from a bazillion birth videos that the rest of the body is cake. A few more pushes with the next contraction and he’s out.
Someone: “It’s a boy” Nathan gives a little cry and then silence.
Nathan is born at 5:03pm.
I am weak and shaky as I turn over. I don’t see my baby. There is no one there. I’m disoriented. I look over at a huddle of nurses at the warmer. I tell Josh to go to our baby. Our doula takes a picture of Nathan and shows me on the camera. I’m completely numb until I’m sure he’s okay. After a few minutes, Nathan comes over and is put on my chest skin to skin. I always imagined this moment. But things are still not calm. My legs are in stirrups to repair a tear, I’m given a bag of pitocin and some nurse is painfully pressing on my stomach. I’m shaking uncontrollably and I ask someone to lift Nathan up a little so I can see his face. He is perfect. They say newborns have all these physical weird things, but his face is as smooth and peaceful as a little angel. I didn’t even think about the weight of him in my dreams. He’s heavy! After I’m all stitched up, and I nurse him right then.
Josh: So stef was pushing and this was the first time where she was making more noise. She probably screamed at three contractions during all of the pushing. I was on one side of Stef and the doula was on the other side. And when she would have a contraction, she would try to make higher pitched noises, and I had read that a loose jaw is important and making low noises relaxes your body, so I was chanting looooow. And it would help Stef, and she would change to a lower pitch.
And then at some point, I heard the midwife tell the nurse to get Dr. Isabel to come over. Which alarmed me. But I was still in the moment with Stef. And then a minute later since Dr. Isabel was going to take 15 minutes then it was the closest doctor to come in. That scared me but we still went through with the contractions. Then the midwife told us that the heartrate was lower than she would like it to be and it wasn’t coming back up after the contractions so that’s why she called the doctor. And then, I remember looking up and the number of people in the room had doubled, and now there was a new doctor here putting on gloves and checking stef out. And it was a really crazy situation, so I was still up by stef’s head and she was on all fours. And the doctor during one of the contractions reached in and helped twist the baby. That seem like a good move that stef didn’t even seem to feel. At this point every contraction that stef had everyone was yelling push push push push, which was not what we wanted at our birth. But in retrospect that what was needed because we needed to get the baby out as soon as possible.
The whole time I wasn’t looking at stef’s face I was looking at the doctor, and no one was saying too much to me which was frustrating, but then at one point the doc caught my eye and saw the scared look on my face and he talked about what was happening and said the cord was short and as the baby is being pushed out the cord was being stretched and not getting oxygen to the baby. This was the time when it wasn’t calm at all anymore, just all out craziness. I also remember thinking that it was moving really slowly, but I guess this was between contractions. Also the doctor, kept a calm tone by announcing educational pointers as he worked. One of them being, when one of the nurses asked if stef should get on her back and he said “no the hands and knees position is the widest and best for giving birth” There was another line where he said “if stef was on an epidural she would have to be on her back which would make it more difficult.”
Ultimately the pushing did not go on for very long, we did hear “oh you could see the head”, and “he’s got hair.” Which I reiterated to stef. After one of the pushes he came out. And they asked if Dad wanted to cut the cord. I knew at this point things were more of an emergency in the final moments, but I still wanted to bring things up that we had originally wanted to have them shoot it down rather than not bring them up. I turned to the midwife and said “we can’t let it pulse” and she said no unfortunately we have to make sure he’s okay. So I immediately cut the cord, and then two nurses took the baby over to the warmer on the other side of the room. I asked the midwife “we can’t have the baby on stef’s chest?” And they said we have to make sure he’s okay. So he was 6 to 8 feet away, and stef pointed out that I could be there with him. As I was over there one of the nurses was on the phone with the NICU and that they have to be ready for him. That was my first moment of real doom and gloom. Even when the doctor came in, I always thought things were going to be okay, but after he came out and they were rubbing him down, it sort of hit me that things may be bad.
So I was over there with him, and the two nurses rubbed him down vigorously and took his pulse. Before I knew it, (a few minutes? ) the whole attitude changed and they wrapped him up and said, let’s go over to mom, and the storm had ended and everything started to get calm again. As they were bringing the baby over to stef, the doctor who had come in intercepted me and said congratulations, but I could barely even see him because my eyes were welled up with tears. I said thank you and he had a smile on his face and I knew everything was fine and baby was fine and we had made it through this thing. I went over to stef and kissed her and cried happy tears.
Besides the last 20 minutes of the birth and the first few minutes after the birth, that was the crazy time but besides that it was calm. So the baby was put on stef’s chest, and they still had some stuff to do with stef, but all in all it was nice from my perspective. I remember the nurse said, anytime we are ready she can take his weight, and I looked at the clock and I saw it had already an hour and ten minutes from the birth. So they got his height and weight.
It was all still surreal for me until we got to the post partum room. He seemed like a great kid, and I was so happy he came out safely and he came out alert and perfect. I was so ecstatic that stef was able to do it and the three of us were a family.
(water just broke 40 minutes ago)
4:35pm (25 minutes before birth)
Another vivid memory. I have my hands and arms clasped around josh’s neck during a contraction when all of a sudden I bear down a little with it. I shout “I’m pushing!!” Our midwife checks me and I am complete at 10cm with a small prosterior “lip” of cervix which she holds back during some pushing. I’m excited, optimistic and happy until suddenly things go very wrong. During that contraction baby’s heart tones drop and the midwife suggests that I get on my hands and knees. Suddenly an oxygen mask is put in front of my face. Them midwife tells me she’s going to put in an internal monitor because she is having trouble finding baby’s heartbeat. I’m facing the wall with my knees on the bed and my arms draped over the back of the bed. I can only hear what is happening.
Midwife “Call doctor Isabell” I can’t believe that it’s gotten to this point, I hate this doctor
Midwife “Stefanie, let’s try to get this baby out before he gets here ” So starts the purple pushing. “Take a deep breath hold and PUSH PUSH PUSH, another deep breath and PUUUUSH!”
Midwife “Get the doctor on call” A stranger enters the room and immediately puts his hand inside me without saying anything. He says “He’s prosterior” Me: I knew it!! I feel the distinct sensation of baby’s head being turned.
Nurse: "Do you want her to turn on her back?” Midwife: “Do you want her to turn over?”Doctor: “No, this is the optimal position to give birth”
I peak behind me and see that the people in the room have doubled, josh and our doula have their faces inches from mine encouraging me.
Doula: “Stefanie it’s time to get this baby out. Give it everything have” So I push as hard as I can. Things have spiraled out of control.
Midwife: “He’s crowning” Someone: “He’s got hair” I feel the ring of fire and I welcome the pain, because it means he’s coming. I need to get my baby out now. I let out a loud harsh throaty scream and decide to try my best to tear, because I can’t hold back. The pain is nothing. If something goes wrong I don’t want to say I was too scared to push through the pain as hard as I could. I’m giving my baby EVERYTHING I have.
Midwife: “The head’s out” OMG I did it! I know from a bazillion birth videos that the rest of the body is cake. A few more pushes with the next contraction and he’s out.
Someone: “It’s a boy” Nathan gives a little cry and then silence.
Nathan is born at 5:03pm.
I am weak and shaky as I turn over. I don’t see my baby. There is no one there. I’m disoriented. I look over at a huddle of nurses at the warmer. I tell Josh to go to our baby. Our doula takes a picture of Nathan and shows me on the camera. I’m completely numb until I’m sure he’s okay. After a few minutes, Nathan comes over and is put on my chest skin to skin. I always imagined this moment. But things are still not calm. My legs are in stirrups to repair a tear, I’m given a bag of pitocin and some nurse is painfully pressing on my stomach. I’m shaking uncontrollably and I ask someone to lift Nathan up a little so I can see his face. He is perfect. They say newborns have all these physical weird things, but his face is as smooth and peaceful as a little angel. I didn’t even think about the weight of him in my dreams. He’s heavy! After I’m all stitched up, and I nurse him right then.
Josh: So stef was pushing and this was the first time where she was making more noise. She probably screamed at three contractions during all of the pushing. I was on one side of Stef and the doula was on the other side. And when she would have a contraction, she would try to make higher pitched noises, and I had read that a loose jaw is important and making low noises relaxes your body, so I was chanting looooow. And it would help Stef, and she would change to a lower pitch.
And then at some point, I heard the midwife tell the nurse to get Dr. Isabel to come over. Which alarmed me. But I was still in the moment with Stef. And then a minute later since Dr. Isabel was going to take 15 minutes then it was the closest doctor to come in. That scared me but we still went through with the contractions. Then the midwife told us that the heartrate was lower than she would like it to be and it wasn’t coming back up after the contractions so that’s why she called the doctor. And then, I remember looking up and the number of people in the room had doubled, and now there was a new doctor here putting on gloves and checking stef out. And it was a really crazy situation, so I was still up by stef’s head and she was on all fours. And the doctor during one of the contractions reached in and helped twist the baby. That seem like a good move that stef didn’t even seem to feel. At this point every contraction that stef had everyone was yelling push push push push, which was not what we wanted at our birth. But in retrospect that what was needed because we needed to get the baby out as soon as possible.
The whole time I wasn’t looking at stef’s face I was looking at the doctor, and no one was saying too much to me which was frustrating, but then at one point the doc caught my eye and saw the scared look on my face and he talked about what was happening and said the cord was short and as the baby is being pushed out the cord was being stretched and not getting oxygen to the baby. This was the time when it wasn’t calm at all anymore, just all out craziness. I also remember thinking that it was moving really slowly, but I guess this was between contractions. Also the doctor, kept a calm tone by announcing educational pointers as he worked. One of them being, when one of the nurses asked if stef should get on her back and he said “no the hands and knees position is the widest and best for giving birth” There was another line where he said “if stef was on an epidural she would have to be on her back which would make it more difficult.”
Ultimately the pushing did not go on for very long, we did hear “oh you could see the head”, and “he’s got hair.” Which I reiterated to stef. After one of the pushes he came out. And they asked if Dad wanted to cut the cord. I knew at this point things were more of an emergency in the final moments, but I still wanted to bring things up that we had originally wanted to have them shoot it down rather than not bring them up. I turned to the midwife and said “we can’t let it pulse” and she said no unfortunately we have to make sure he’s okay. So I immediately cut the cord, and then two nurses took the baby over to the warmer on the other side of the room. I asked the midwife “we can’t have the baby on stef’s chest?” And they said we have to make sure he’s okay. So he was 6 to 8 feet away, and stef pointed out that I could be there with him. As I was over there one of the nurses was on the phone with the NICU and that they have to be ready for him. That was my first moment of real doom and gloom. Even when the doctor came in, I always thought things were going to be okay, but after he came out and they were rubbing him down, it sort of hit me that things may be bad.
So I was over there with him, and the two nurses rubbed him down vigorously and took his pulse. Before I knew it, (a few minutes? ) the whole attitude changed and they wrapped him up and said, let’s go over to mom, and the storm had ended and everything started to get calm again. As they were bringing the baby over to stef, the doctor who had come in intercepted me and said congratulations, but I could barely even see him because my eyes were welled up with tears. I said thank you and he had a smile on his face and I knew everything was fine and baby was fine and we had made it through this thing. I went over to stef and kissed her and cried happy tears.
Besides the last 20 minutes of the birth and the first few minutes after the birth, that was the crazy time but besides that it was calm. So the baby was put on stef’s chest, and they still had some stuff to do with stef, but all in all it was nice from my perspective. I remember the nurse said, anytime we are ready she can take his weight, and I looked at the clock and I saw it had already an hour and ten minutes from the birth. So they got his height and weight.
It was all still surreal for me until we got to the post partum room. He seemed like a great kid, and I was so happy he came out safely and he came out alert and perfect. I was so ecstatic that stef was able to do it and the three of us were a family.
Final Thoughts Josh:
I think the birth, that stef did such a great job, a magnificent 2 days. Besides the last half hour surrounding the actual birth where it was pretty crazy, all the rest of the 2 days were perfect and I couldn’t ask for anything more. Going natural def. paid off. From my perspective, until stef’s water broke which was not too long before the pushing, I never perceived stef as anywhere close to needing any drugs. It seemed like she was kicking ass the whole time. And by the time her water broke and with the pushing, once those two things happened at the end, everyone was pointing out that it was a great thing she wasn’t on drugs because she was able to push so much faster and so much more efficiently than most moms. And being able to walk and change positions was def. the name of the game the two days. If you were confined to a bed, stef would have needed some drugs. Moving was the ticket. It was just a beautiful thing. I’m so happy that stef was able to do it and produce our son. And really it was an experience like no other in life.
The hardest time, besides the final hour before Nathan was born where things were intense, the most difficult time was the previous night between 1am and 3am. And I think that was because we felt alone, and we didn’t know what was going on and we didn’t have support besides telephone calls with the doula and midwife. The unknown. And soon after the doula came and then the midwife added another experienced woman, and so they were there, we didn’t have to worry about stuff and just be in the moment.
Final thoughts Stef:
Later I would find out that the doctor on call spent the last 18 years on a mission in the Congo. He was the perfect man to bring our child into the world. Not getting the epidural allowed me to deliver in a way that my pelvis was the most open. Having an experienced doctor be able to turn the baby so quickly, and also allow me to birth on my hands and knees, AND not cut an episiotomy was a trifecta of miracles. All of these things I am thankful for. I wouldn’t have torn at all except Nathan decided to have his fist near his head. Everything happened very quickly. From the first push to the last it was 20 minutes.
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