Nathan said "Ba"

 The past month and a half he has been blowing raspberries like it is his job to shower the world. Sometimes cute (especially if you ask him a question and he times the blow right) and sometimes annoying (baby spit everywhere can get a little old). Yesterday, he started to do a raspberry, but stopped short. And it made a "b" sound. He looked quite perplexed, and he did it again, kinda wondering himself why he didn't decide to blow that "b" sound out into a full lipped waterboat. I laughed and cheered, my mouth hurt I was grinning so much. Then he laughed and smiled real big as he practiced his "ba"s

I realize this is such a small thing. I do. But why did it fill me up with such joy? The sleepless nights, and the fussiness and the exhaustion of being his everything suddenly compressed into this singularity: This was why I am here with him every day. So that I could soak in every single amazing thing that he does and not miss a beat. So that we could SHARE these moments together and experience the fruits of our bond.

Then I thought, holy crap, this is just the beginning. Just imagine how I will shit my pants when he says his first word.

Nathan 5 months

I can't believe you are going to be six months next week. Where did the time go? They say months 3-8 is the golden age of babyhood. You are smiling and laughing and interactive, yet you are not yet on the move. I wish I could slow down time.

I'm feeling more confident. I hold you in one arm or on my hip. We go lots of places, the post office, the thrift store, grocery shopping, the library. And everywhere you go, people stop to tell you how cute you are. Your eyes (still blue) and your hair are your best features. People say you look like a doll and that you will break hearts. Honestly I feel quite homely compared to you with my glasses and my hair pulled back. I wish I looked as pretty as you.

You have slept horribly since we've moved you to the crib. Since 4 months, you've been up all night. Last night you were up every hour. Sometimes you needed a reassuring pat, or your stuffed animal readjusted. But most of the time you wake up yelling because your belly is full of gas. I wish you could just fart already. I pump your legs and everything, but you just strain and yell. I know you aren't feeling well, but I do miss when you'd only wake up once or twice a night.

You can sit up, but you still topple so I prop you up. I love the look of concentration on your face when you play with your toys. And boy are you getting a sense of humor. You laugh when I laugh but sometimes inappropriately. Like that time I was moaning in pain from spraining my thigh muscle, it made you giggle.

You've discovered how to scream when you are angry/tired/bored. It makes my eye twitch I cannot stand it. Please stop.

Every day you do something new, and it is amazing. You are hitting every milestone. My favorite new thing is when I pick you up, your little arm wraps around my neck.