Birth Story Part 2 - Doula arrives

12:00-12:30am Wednesday night (17 hours before the birth)
Josh:We had a midnight snack. Some leftovers some water, some toast and fruit.

1:00am -3am
Josh sneaks off to call our doula Jenn. The only manageable position is on my knees lying over the birthing ball. Between contractions I would just go limp. I really wanted Josh to time them. It helped me focus knowing how long they were. Plus at this point some were really intense and some were just plain monsters. I had josh write a star next to those.

Josh: This was the toughest time. I think throughout the day I was confused about the contractions, because they clearly started earlier in the day when things were more relaxed they were 8-10 minutes apart, but then they were 4, and here they were 2-3 minutes apart, and I thought this was a direct correlation for the birth happening in a matter of hours. That was one thought I was mistaken about. But then also, I didn’t want to introduce the doula in to the house too soon, for her sake and also I thought it would be more of annoyance to have her here without anything for her to do. But, we clearly hit the point where we could use her help and to help stef get through these things. I basically called the doula and told her to come in when she could, and apologized it was the middle of the night. She said that was fine and she would take it slow and shower first. This was probably the darkest time of the labor. Stef was having trouble dealing with the contractions. She cried at one point, and I knew she could make it through , but I was confused about the timeline mostly. I was confused about the path that this was going to take and that was where I needed help from the doula. I lacked perspective on where this was going.


3:00am -5:00am
The doula arrives. I don’t register her presence. I can’t even manage the strength to look up at her or say hi. She comes over and holds my hand and rubs my back and shoulders. I instantly feel a sense of calming presence. She suggests me and Josh get into bed together and work through them having him comfort me. Looking back this was the darkest point of my labor. The intensity and the length and the not knowing when it will end. It was dark outside. There was nothing to do but just get through them, hour after hour.

Josh: As we approached 3am I was annoyed that the doula was not here yet. I went ahead and called the midwife (the answering service) and when I spoke to Emily, it actually coincided with the knock on the door from the doula, so I gave a quick update on where we were on the midwife and she wanted to talk to the doula so she could get the doula’s perspective. So after we got off the phone, the doula helped by talking to Stefanie and the doula suggested we try to rest still and we didn’t get any rest, but we dealt with the next two hours of contractions in bed. Really the doula’s input at this point didn’t do much but reassure us to keep doing what we’re doing vs run off to the hospital which is what I thought was the next step. She perceived us still okay to labor at home which was the major role that we asked her to provide.


5:00am -5:30
I tell josh that I think it is time to go to the hospital. I wasn’t sure what was driving this thought. They say you will know when to go. It’s not like the pain would stop there, it was more like, I can’t keep this up HERE. “Here” being in this stupid bedroom being pummeled with contractions for the last 7 hours. I needed something to change I think. Jenn comes upstairs (she had been resting on the couch). I’m feeling frustrated. Where’s the baby already?! I have a scheduled appointment with our other midwife Becky at 8am. Jenn suggests that instead of going to the hospital I could go to my appointment and get my cervix checked there. I see 3 horrible hours ahead of me. In my mind, this seems like impossible nonsense. WTF?! Three hours is an eternity, I can’t think that far ahead. And I don’t want to even contemplate three more hours of these contractions. Jenn decided that a nice warm shower would be the trick. It takes me forever to walk down the hall, I keep doubling over with contractions. Josh puts the birthing ball in the tub and I sit on it and let the water run on my back. Jenn brings up grapes and ice cold Gatorade. This was the morale boost that I needed. The birds were starting to sing. I had something sweet to eat. It was nice to get out of the bedroom. Even if the hot water ran out in 20 minutes.

Josh: Well I had known that the doula was resting on the couch, which was good because you know, I would feel weird if she was just hanging out with nothing to do when she might as well sleep. I felt bad like I called her too soon because I thought we were going to the hospital, but after she arrived she saw the situation was okay to be at home. I had thought that she would be meeting us at the hospital, my timeline was still way way off. At 5am, I went down to tell her that stef wanted to go to the hospital and that maybe she should come up. So she spoke to stef and we talked through some ideas and we decided to take it one step at a time and we said for stef to get into the shower. That worked out well, it was right on time, it was a turning point because the new day was starting and the night was ending.


Thursday Morning (12 hours before the birth)
5:30am- 8:20am
Stef: Sun’s coming up the birds are singing and I work through my contractions on my hands and knees downstairs. Josh puts on Futurama (my fav tv show), and I actually laugh at one point. Our doula puts a heat pack on my back to help with the back labor. I’m all but convinced this baby is prosterior (sunny side up in which the face is up and not down where the smallest part of the head is presented first), why else would this be taking so long? We decide to head over to the appointment with the midwife. The drive over was as horrible as expected, so in a way it wasn’t so bad. We were moving forward! In the back of my head I am really worried I will only be 2-3 centimeters. I need it to be 4 to be in active labor. All day yesterday and all last night I hadn’t had any bloody show. So I’m skeptical. I call my mom and sister for familiar voices and support.

Josh: I wanted to keep food in both of our bellies, so I was cutting up fresh fruit and Stef was drinking Gatorade and doing different positions. On the tv we tried a couple different shows, we tried “Life” and then put on futurama and at one point Stef just wanted the tv off. Before we knew it, it was time to go to the appointment. We had all of our bags packed, took our extra pillows and it seemed like a lot of stuff went into the car.


8:20- 10:15am
Stef:Success! I get checked and I am 4-5 cm, and stretchy! 80 percent effaced with a bulging bag of water. Everyone cheers (everyone being doula, midwife (becky), midwife’s assistant and josh)!! The baby looks good on the Doppler during the contrax. Becky turns to me and gives me a pep talk. She says that this is what I’ve worked for, this is something I can do! Because of the bag of water bulging out, she says that she can’t tell if baby is prosterior but that is out of our control, and I need to focus on what I can control. She was an army nurse for years, and I seriously felt like I was in boot camp for a moment. Another morale boost! We are off to the hospital with a tub room secured. As I leave I hear Becky tell our doula not to let me in the tub right away. That is our ace in the hole when the going gets tough. I call my mom and sister to let them know I am on the way to the hospital. We actually have to wait an hour for the room to be cleaned and we check into room #10 at 10:15

Josh: Everything went great at the appointment, we got seen right away, and there was great news at the check. For the first time, we had some clear information about how progress was going. Stef would pause during the appointment as contractions would come and everyone would talk her through it. And then the convo would go on as before. When we left there we knew we would get a tub room because someone was leaving it and we could take our time going to the hospital and so we stopped at McDonalds and met the doula in the lobby and ate and chatted. It was a great morning, sunny and warm and after our breakfast we headed upstairs to check into the room. A nurse took our information, which weren’t too bad but it did take 15 minutes or so and after that we thought we were going to go into the room but it still wasn’t ready, so we had to go into the waiting area for another 45 minutes. At first it was annoying but within a few minutes we settled into a corner with the birthball with the three of us in our own world helping stef through the contractions in the lobby.

In the hospital lobby

3 Month letter

Dear Nathan
Cool things that you’ve done
I’m pretty sure you had your first laugh on your 3 month birthday when I kissed and nuzzled your armpit (your dad said it sounded like a cough) But today was the best! Right before I left work, I said your favorite word “ah goo” while you were sitting in dad’s lap and your mouth busted open with a loud “ha!”

You are a champion nurser. I knew it the day you latched on your own when I wasn’t paying attention a couple weeks ago. I wish you didn’t kick your legs so much and twist to see everything. Today you twisted off to see your dad walk out the room. So I prefer it when you are sleepy. Your eyes roll in the back of your head your hand grabs tight to my shirt or onto my finger. I love how you smack your mouth around in anticipation. And god help me if I don’t get you there quick enough. We officially have the hang of this now even though by the time you read this you will think it is gross…

We’ve had you on a nice goodnight routine the past few weeks. First a nice warm bath, towel dry and goodnight kisses, then nursing and then I hand you to dad for him to patiently “walk” you to sleep. Your dad says that it is an act of endurance. Sometimes 10 minutes sometimes 30! The process takes about an hour to an hour and a half. We start the process around 8:30- 9pm. You love bathtime, so far no poops in the tub.

You’ve really found your voice. You yell and squeal and razz and blow spit bubbles. You yell when I’m not paying attention to you and smile when you see my face again. You love the itsy bitsy spider. But spiders scare mommy so I replace it with the Itsy Bitsy Nathan. All I have to do is start with “The” and you smile in anticipation of the rest of the song. I sing to you to get you to stop fussing. You also like it when you “stand” on my lap.

You ‘re obsessed with sucking on your hands and fingers. Sometimes it keeps you awake. You now will hold on to something when I place it to your hand. You like to put things in your mouth, but I really think you are just putting your hand in your mouth as usual and you get a nice surprise with something is in them (like that burp cloth or bib). You can’t go to sleep on your own yet without being rocked or “walked” or nursed down.

Ugh Reflux! It hurts you badly, when you are arch your back and cry and I hear the wet burps. We set you upright for at least 20 minutes after you eat which helps immensely. When stinks because I finally figured out how to nurse you laying down. BOO!

Oh and loud noises are scary now. The dog barked and your lower lip trembled and you started to cry. I swoop you up and you are instantly soothed. Although that one time when there was a knock on the door AND the dog barked, you cried for a good five minutes in my arms. You’ll get used to Charlie, he’s that thing that licks your feet.


I’m getting to know you better. I know when you are tired, or bored. I know when you are hungry or just need to suck. I know when you need to change positions. Although sometimes I’m still not sure. I sit you on my lap and look into your teary eyes and ask you softy “What’s the matter?” You seem to not be sure yourself, so I say, “Well, I’m here to help you get through it. You don’t ever have to cry alone sweet boy”

3 Months

My sweet sweet baby is now reaching up at my face when I cradle him. He is all quiet and staring and just so interested in my face.

Here is a pic.

Birth Story Part 1 - Early Labor

Josh co-wrote the brith story. He dictated them to me and I jotted it down. His parts are indicated.
Additionally, fair warning...it's birth!!! Messy and filled with a three letter word called TMI. But don't be a-scared!


Wednesday Morning 6:30am-

Stef: I feel Nathan’s head in my bladder, which I had thought early in that week were contractions and went to the bathroom. When I laid back down, I remember feeling a wave and a cramp. I thought: Hang on! I just peed is this a contraction? Let’s see what happens next. For the next 35 minutes , staring at the clock, I had this reoccurring cramp every 7 minutes. At this point I decided to wake josh. I said, “I think I’m having contractions”

Josh: I thought oh, my god this is it. And I’m not going to work today. I’m going to email my work and tell them I’m not coming in.


7:35am

Stef: I gave our birth doula Jenn a call. I wasn’t close to needing her to come over, but wanted to give her a heads up. I got my MP3 player and started listening to my Birthing Day Affirmations. I was feeling a little apprehensive. The contractions felt like my stomach getting hard and the hardening ending down low into a cramp and tightening a waistband around my lower back and tummy. Josh made me a couple eggs and toast, and I started to time them a bit on contractionmaster.com. They were coming every two to three min apart for like ten minutes. I called my midwife Emily, and she said for us to rest as much as possible. So we went to bed and I listened to my Deepening Track on Hypnobabies which notoriously puts me to sleep every time, this time being no exception. At this point we were anticipating our baby around 7pm Wed.

Josh: The key thing I was thinking about was what everyone was telling us, that you should just rest and that Stefanie should rest as much as possible. And the other thing was that we needed to eat, and protein was necessary, so I made the eggs and toast. So far everything was ideal.


11:00am-2:00pm

Still kinda having a lazy day. Sprinkled with tv, naps and hypnobabies. I’m starting to wonder when the show is going to get on the road. My contractions are about the same as they were all day. I’m also freaked out about the front room being messy. Josh cleans the front room and living room and the kitchen. I come down and feel good about bringing a baby into this clean house. We also put together the hospital bag last minute additions and get Charlie’s dog food packed into his bag. Nathan is still kicking me up a storm. He starts to kick right before a contraction hits. Emily calls us to check in. I ask her if I should go for a walk to get things going. She says that I just should rest because she can see this baby coming at like 3am! She was only off by 14 hours. She instructs me to call her if anything changes. I can’t help but feel she is canceling me out as a false labor girl. So I am determined to get things started. I figure midnight would be better than 3am so we take Charlie for a walk. We get about a half a block before I change my mind a turn back. The contractions aren’t getting any stronger and I’ve heard about women exhausting themselves. We have subway for lunch.



Josh: At this point in my mind we were going to have a baby at 11pm that night. Another thing that our birthing class taught me was that Stefanie would likely want to clean up extensively as we were going into labor and that I should stop her from doing so at all costs. What I should do would be to follow her direction and clean up, much to her delight. As for the walk… It was one of the most beautiful days of the year, sunny high of 60’s, so anytime spent outdoors was welcome.



4:00pm – 9:00pm

We go down for another nap. This was a nice one. Maybe too nice. I wake up and the contractions still aren’t any stronger. They woke me up several times, but mostly I was able to sleep. I get up, and get on the birthing ball and start bouncing. Josh puts on Howl’s Moving Castle. Our doula calls and suggests that we pack it in. We had haiku for dinner. At 9pm we set up a scrabble game in bed. I’m noticing that the contractions are picking up around that time.

Josh: The main thing in my mind was eating and drinking and sleeping as much as possible. I was surprised that things were slowing down. At this point I knew the labor was going longer than expected, but I still thought we’d have a baby at like 4am.

10:00pm – 12:00am
I can no longer concentrate on anything else but the contractions. We put away the game, and I try using some of my hypnobabies techniques. I try using my relaxation cue words: peace and release. I end up chanting/panting those over and over during contractions. We are still trying to “rest” in bed. And this is where officially, the going gets rough. I begin moaning through them, panting. We are timing them. They are coming every 2-3 min lasting a minute long. At this point I really feel like the baby is coming in a matter of hours. But I do remember reading that you don’t push until you are 1min apart between contractions. Most people would have gone to the hospital at this point. But I could barely move or think. I just had to go through these things. I had tunnel vision. I needed the lights to be out. I can’t really remember what josh was up to at this point. I know he was pushing for me to call the doula, but after a full day of nothing happening, I felt like it would be better to let her sleep.

Josh: We def. hit a new phase during our scrabble game in the bed. It’s like what we read about where the contrax aren’t something we can talk through or laugh about. They became intense and had to stop what we were doing when they were happening.

Next up part two - Active Labor

Nathan's Birth Story - Intro

Here I am posting this birth story to the blog which was written the week after the birth and reading it over it is amazing what I remember and what I don’t. For example, if I had to describe a contraction… it would be hard to say. It’s almost as if the moment of birthing is so in the NOW, that you can’t truly do it justice trying to recall it. It’s like trying to tell someone about a dream. You struggle for the right words to describe it, and in the end you come up short.

Still, some things stick out in my mind. I have to say that laboring without medication was the most beautiful and spiritual experience of my life. Feeling my body contract my uterus and open me up for birthing is such a rare and special feeling. I had never had such a connection with myself as a woman, as a mother, as a wife. I had never been more in touch with my instincts as a female mammal. While at times it was extremely intense, there was nothing foreign about the feeling. It was obvious that my body was made to do this, and when I let go of the doubt and fear, I found that I could just breathe through them and didn’t see the need for any intervention. But I didn’t do it alone. I shared this time with Josh, who was so supportive and had such a loving presence who believed in my ability to do this without question. He never left my side for a single minute of those 36 hours.

It wasn’t until I was in the post partum room with the lights low and no one in the room but me and josh and Nathan that I could finally drink in this new little person. I’m so excited to do it again.

The story is long so I will post in it parts.